Archive for February, 2005
February 23rd, 2005
Dear Straight Talk: I’m a 16-year-old boy and I’m wondering why girls have so many mood swings. Some days they wake up happy, other days they wake up angry at the world. I’ve asked girls about this and they don’t know the reason. They say, “It’s just my day, it’s just how I woke up.” For me, the main feelings I get in a day are boredom (from some of my classes) and hunger. Whether I feel angry or sad or happy depends on what happens throughout the day. But the girls say the mood they wake up in determines their entire day.—What’s up with that?
Dear What’s up: Here’s what the teen staff has to say:
From Amy 17: I think stress is greater for girls than for boys because girls are more worried about how they look. There is more on our plate that way. For instance, if you wake up with a blemish or don’t feel your hair is right it starts your day off wrong. Rainy days seem to stress all the girls because of how it affects our hair.
From Ashley, 15: Boys get attention for being weird or funny, but society isn’t interested in funny, weird chicks so we invent drama to get attention. Also, girls have a propensity to show their emotions, probably because we are genetically wired to do so, and also because our culture accepts moody girls more than moody guys. When was the last time you saw a guy crying in public?
From Kyle, 13: When girls are acting freaky, in a different mood than their usual one, I ask them if it’s their period. About 70% of the time it is. The rest of the time it seems to be family problems.
From Ashley, 17: I used to have a lot of stress about how I looked, but I got over that and now the biggest influence on my waking mood is whatever I had to deal with the night before—family arguments, relationships, things like that—or the dream I had during the night.
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February 23rd, 2005
Dear Straight Talk: I’m 13 and my parents divorced suddenly about 18 months ago. They each moved into different houses. Nothing is like it used to be. My older brothers are mostly at my dad’s and my sister and I are mostly at my mom’s, but we rotate around and see each other a lot. I’ve gotten in a lot of trouble at school this year and have been fighting with my sister a lot. My mom wants me to see a counselor. I think it’s a waste of my time and I don’t want to go. It’s causing a fight between my mother and me. Why does she think it is so important for me to waste my time like that?—Seventh-grade boy.
Dear Seventh-grade boy: Did it ever occur to you that your mother loves you and is looking out for you? Mental disorders, in their many forms, constitute a more widespread health problem than cancer. If you had a cancerous mole would you argue with your mother about whether you should go to the doctor? If you’re smart you’ll stop fighting her over this. Mother, you, too, need to stop fighting about it. Follow your instincts and get your son the help you know he needs.
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February 16th, 2005
Dear Straight Talk: Regarding your advice to “In love for good”, like it or not, it is illegal for unmarried under-18-year-olds to have sex. Parental permission is irrelevant and could lead to criminal or civil liability for the parents.
Many disagree with some of the laws governing sexuality, but it is our job as parents to present a consistent message. Telling our children that it is okay to pick and choose which laws to follow is unprincipled and teaches disrespect for the law.
Further, a 16-year-old virgin is unlikely to have found the man (or boy) of her dreams. A better response would have been to suggest she seek counseling to explore why cementing the relationship with sex is so important.—Attorney in Placer County
Dear Attorney in Placer County: I appreciate your input. However, my advice to teens remains: Hold back the tide. It’s a bigger force than you realize. If you must go forward, get the backing of your parents.
Though sex is indeed illegal if you are under 18, here are some bald facts: in the US, at least 50% of all teens are having sex prior to age 17.
Every year, one in four of these sexually active teens is infected with an STD.
Nearly one million teenaged women become pregnant each year—that’s about 2800 teen pregnancies per day—with a cost to taxpayers of nearly $7 billion annually.
What kids need more than anything else are available parents—or mentors—who voice their values, set limits, and at the same time provide unconditional love and safe space.
I can’t say this enough. The more I can influence parents and teens to communicate in the spirit of understanding and helping each other the more I will be doing my job.
From Farren, 17: It’s a ridiculous law! Why aren’t all the pregnant teenagers in jail? And why is there sex education that shows us methods of protection? In the past it wasn’t uncommon to be married at 14. Now, nobody gets married that young, so what do you do with these urges in the meantime? Sex usually has nothing to do with “cementing” the relationship, it’s simply what the body wants to do. I think this is an issue that should be between parent and child.
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