Straight Talk For Teens By Teens

Vote your heart; this is America

Dear Straight Talk: I’m 18, living at home, attending community college and I plan to vote for the first time in the November election. I’m writing because I have different political values from my parents and my grandparents, my whole family actually, and I feel badgered to vote how they want me to vote. I’ve given up talking about it, but it’s made me feel a little resentful. How can get my family to see that I am loyal to them in other ways but politically we are different. They see it as me not being loyal to them. It is sort of driving us apart.—Gotta vote my heart

Dear Gotta vote: Congratulations on recognizing that you can love someone at the same time you disagree with them. Many people have trouble with this dichotomy. Recognize further that you control whether or not you feel badgered and resentful. It’s not what happens to you, it’s how you deal with it internally. If you feel your views are driving you apart from people you love, silently forgive them and politely decline from engaging in political discussions with them. Here’s feedback from a teen that can relate:

Dear Ashley, 17: I completely understand your situation. My family thinks one way about the world and I think another. We’ve had a lot of arguments that go nowhere. Tell them directly that you respect their opinion but now that you are older you have your own opinions and need to stand up for them. You are the future.

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Say ‘no’ to wedding plans that exclude family

Dear Straight Talk: I’m 19 and I’ve graduated from high school and plan to get married in the spring. My parents are divorced and my dad is going to pay for the wedding. My mom is not in a position to help out financially and neither are my fiance’s parents. The problem is my dad won’t go to the wedding if my mom is there. I don’t know what to do. Here he is making this wedding possible and I don’t want to ruin it for him. But what about my mom? Won’t she feel bad if she’s not able to come? Don’t tell me to reason with my father, he is absolute on this. What should I do?—I really want a wedding

Dear Wedding: Unfortunately your father has his own interests at heart instead of truly giving you the gift of a wedding. What kind of wedding doesn’t invite the mother of the bride, to the great grief of the bride? Do not agree to this arrangement. You will regret it the rest of your life. Tell your father you want no part of his financial help unless both he and your mother are free to attend.

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When it comes to drugs, teach by example

Dear Straight Talk: I’m a 47-year-old father in a wonderful marriage with three children, ages 7, 9, and 10. I’m wondering how I can instill in them a drug-free lifestyle when I, myself, did drugs as a teen. Though I no longer abuse drugs, to this day I smoke pot on rare occasions with certain individuals from my past. I grew up in the 70’s and there were drugs everywhere; it was what we did. However, I don’t want that for my children. I know there are still a lot of drugs around and I’d like them to be able to say “no” and grow up drug-free. Am I being hypocritical? Do I tell them about my own past drug use? Or do I keep my past a secret and advocate the straight life? I’m wondering if your teens have an opinion on what approach would be most effective.—Drugs in my past

Dear Drugs: Clearly, the most effective teaching is by example. However, words are powerful also. It is important, regardless of the example you are setting, to continuously verbalize to your children your expectations of their values. Your children are listening even when it doesn’t appear that way. In your case, because your drug use is discreet and rare, you are setting an example. If you’ve got some guilt going, consider quitting those rare instances. In the meantime don’t let it get in the way of the job of parenting. It sounds like you have a clear vision of a healthy upbringing for your children so stay on task as a parent and bring this to your young family with confidence. Once you have confidence in yourself, the education of your children could include a sharing of your past—or not—but until you’re truly confident in your role as a parent, I would not recommend such a share.

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