Straight Talk For Teens By Teens

Body piercings, tattoos, what’s a mother to do?

Dear Straight Talk: My 15 year-old daughter “Alexis” is fighting me tooth and nail to get a tattoo on her lower back and pierce the side of her nose. I think tattoos and piercings look cheap and it makes me sick to think of her making these permanent alterations to her body. Am I out of touch with this generation, or am I doing my job as a parent? What is your advice?—Grossed-out Mom

Dear Grossed-out: We can rest knowing that the perennial job of each generation to shock its elders is alive and well. The perennial job of parents—to stand up and set limits—needs to stay alive and well, too. As far as the tattoo goes, they are illegal in California for minors and nothing more needs to be said. Regarding her proposed nose piercing, I always advise parents to choose their challenges carefully. If this is indeed your challenge, then rise to it.

Dr. Tanghetti, Sacramento dermatologist, says that though some body parts close upon removal of the jewelry, there is no guarantee that a pierced body part will close.

From Brittney, 15: I have my nose, lip, and belly-button pierced along with  numerous ear piercings. Does this make my mother a bad parent? I don’t think so at all. She is just letting me express myself in a way that isn’t harmful. Initially, she was against any facial piercings because she doesn’t like the way they look, but finally she realized that it isn’t her body, it’s mine. As far as parenting skills go, one of the best lessons you can teach your children is to never judge a book by its cover. What you deem as being cheap at first glance could totally shock you if you took a deeper look.

Dear Grossed-out: As Brittney’s mother, though I do not like facial and body piercings, I would take it any day over drinking or using drugs. I realize that this generation is different than mine, just as my generation was different than my mother’s. Though I’ve agreed to certain piercings, I have a say in the size of body jewelry she wears.

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Girlfriend’s tiffs must go

Dear Straight Talk: I’m 17 and my girlfriend, “Julie,” is driving me crazy. She keeps thinking I don’t like her. No matter what I do, she acts like I’m doing it as a sign that I don’t like her. Here’s the latest example: A good friend from out of town was visiting and a group of us went to the movies. Because I rode with him in his car (a two-seater) instead of in her car with the others, she took that as a sign. Then when we were finding our seats she acted like she wasn’t sure if I was going to sit by her and got into another little tiff. Why is she acting like this? This is my first steady girlfriend and I’m not sure if this is normal or not.—–Frustrated with females

Dear Frustrated: If “normal” means “commonplace,” then yes, it’s quite normal. If “normal” means “healthy,” then no, it’s not normal. It smacks of manipulation and self-centeredness. I suggest distancing yourself from “Julie” before this kind of relationship starts feeling “normal.”

From Ashley, 15: From my experience, “Julie” is acting out of low self-esteem. She probably likes you a lot and is afraid that you will find someone you like better or will get sick of her. The trouble is, her insecurities are annoying and will become a self-fulfilling prophecy if she doesn’t stop. Tell her what it was that attracted you to her in the first place and let her know that her little tiffs have to go.

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