Straight Talk For Teens By Teens

When a friend mentions suicide, tell someone

Dear Straight Talk: A friend of mine is in a lot of trouble and has mentioned suicide as a way out. I know it happens, but he doesn’t seem like the type and I don’t know whether to take him seriously or not.—Worried friend

Dear Worried: I’m glad you wrote. According to youth suicide prevention educator, Kathleen Snyder, there is no one “type” of person who commits suicide. In the United States in the last 12 years, more teenagers have taken their life than all the Americans killed in the Vietnam War. According to Snyder, the victims of this “silent epidemic” are from all walks of life and all types of families.

Look for any of  these clues: fascination with death and suicide, withdrawing from friends and family, feeling hopeless, trouble concentrating, giving away special belongings, not sleeping or sleeping a lot, extreme changes in eating habits.

Please know that talking about suicide won’t make your friend attempt it. Taking your friend seriously lets him or her know you care. Tell your friend there are other solutions besides suicide. Listen to feelings, not just words. Know that your friend is crying for help by asking you to keep the suicide plan a “secret”. Do not keep these secrets. Your friend wants you to tell somebody. Auburn’s suicide hotline is 885-2300.

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Self-knowledge key to finding perfect mate

Dear Straight Talk: I’m 22 years old and have dated since I was 17. I can’t seem to find anyone I feel compatible with in the long term. Sometimes there’s great chemistry but something is always missing. How does one go about finding their perfect match? And how do you know when you’ve found it? —Bewildered

Dear Bewildered: You’ve asked the million-dollar question. Self-understanding is the key. The more you understand your core self, the more you will be able to know when someone is meeting you at that core place—or not. Long-term relationships need compatibility around issues of lifestyle, energy level, children, professional goals, and spirituality, to name a few. Chemistry is equally essential. I recommend reading books, taking classes, or starting personal therapy to help you reach a greater degree of self-knowledge.

Don’t be in a hurry when you meet someone and there’s great chemistry. Sex can mask over entire galaxies of incompatibilities! The longer you get to know each other without having sex, the more you’ll be able to see the relationship accurately.

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