Archive for June, 2004
June 23rd, 2004
Dear Straight Talk: I’m 16 and my parents are going through a divorce. I thought I had parents who would never get divorced. They got along so well that I didn’t see it coming. They both tell me a different reason why they are splitting up and I’m confused as to what the real story is. Dad says Mom wanted the divorce because she didn’t love him and Mom says that she did love him and that Dad met another woman and left her. How do I find out what really happened?—Shocked by divorce
Dear Shocked: It’s natural to want to know what happened to cause your parents to split up and most children ponder and look for clues far into adulthood. The thing to know with certainty is that the reasons for their divorce had nothing to do with you. The healthiest approach is to forgive them both, continue loving them both, and don’t take sides or allow yourself to be put in the middle as they go through their struggles. Find your own neutral space and concentrate on activities that build your own life.
Don’t hesitate to ask for counseling if you feet in a rut.
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June 23rd, 2004
Dear Straight Talk: I’m 15 and my step dad’s real daughter, “Nicole,” who is also 15 and lives some distance away, is spending the summer with us. She’s pretty and talkative, has cute clothes and the boys at the club drool over her. She is everything I’m not and it’s obvious that she hates me because she makes a lot of degrading remarks to me when my mom and step dad aren’t around. When she visits I feel even worse about myself that usual. I don’t know how I’m going to bear a whole summer with her.—Nothing by comparison
Dear Comparison: First of all, understand that Nicole is reacting to her own hurt of losing her father by taking it out on you. There is a lot of stress and envy between stepsiblings, especially when one is “visiting” in the home of the other. Of course it hurts to be on the receiving end of this, as you well know, and it sounds like you have some existing insecurities that she brings to the fore.
So let me ask you this: What are you good at? What trait or skill do you have that is strength for you? I highly recommend throwing yourself into an activity or job this summer, which will make you “unavailable” AND will build on that strength at the same time. If you don’t know what your strengths are, have your mother or a close adult help you discover them.
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June 2nd, 2004
Dear Straight Talk: I’m finishing my freshman year in high school, and although I’m getting a 3.6 GPA I don’t enjoy school very much. There are fun times like lunch recess and tennis, but the classes feel like a waste of time. Next year I’m thinking about home schooling so I can study at my own pace, creating more free time, but I’m afraid I’ll like it even less with no sports program and losing the few friends I have since we’ll never see each other. What should I do?—At a crossroad
Dear Crossroad: You sound self-motivated enough for home school to be successful academically, but your concern about missing the social aspect of high school hits the mark. I recommend getting information about sports and group opportunities in the home school system by calling Placer County Independent Home Study at 886-4640.
Read on for input from one of our teens:
From Brittney, 16: I understand the tricky decision you are up against. In my case, public high school was indeed a waste of time. You can still play team sports through recreational leagues and if you are good friends with someone not much will change, you just won’t see them during school hours. For me, home schooling was the right choice, and I have been so productive that I will graduate a year early. Sometimes I do get lonely, but I always have my friends to talk to after school. Good luck with your decision.
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