Jul 1
DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I’m concerned about my 14-year-old daughter. She is rapidly gaining weight and is now 130 lbs at only 5′1″. She eats obsessively, sometimes hiding food in her room. I’ve asked if she is hungry when she’s randomly snacking and she usually isn’t, explaining that “cheese is tasty”. I’ve stopped buying full-fat cheeses and other processed foods but am unable to control what she eats. My husband and I are extremely active and exercise daily while eating the correct foods. We encourage her to exercise, even participating with her, but she generally declines. She doesn’t seem to notice herself getting larger. How do I even approach this subject without giving her a complex or saying something damaging?
Mom in Medford, OR
Farren, 21, Redding, CA
It’s good you’re being sensitive. While it may seem like your daughter doesn’t notice, everyone cares what they look like, especially 14-year-olds. Overeating is usually a coping mechanism, so find out if there is an emotional root to her habit. Is something going on at school or elsewhere that you don’t know about? I also recommend having a doctor test her hormone levels and rule out conditions like hypothyroidism or polycystic ovarian syndrome, to name a few. I can’t stress the importance of testing for these things even if they don’t run in the family. Do your online research, get second opinions, enlist a nutritionist to develop a food and exercise program. As you look into all these factors with your daughter, let her know it is because you are worried and want to help.
Brie, 18, Ashland, OR
Sit down and tell your daughter the facts of what being overweight will do to her (heart disease, diabetes, self-esteem issues, etc.). Try to get her involved in a sport because that is a fun way to work out while spending time with friends.
Jessie, 17, Ashland, OR
Usually when somebody has an eating problem, either something psychological is going on or there is a chemical imbalance. Ask her if something is wrong, and if she won’t discuss it, have her see a counselor. At the same time, educate her on the dangers of overeating and obesity. Maybe she doesn’t fully realize the risks.
Ashley, 21, Auburn, CA
Does your daughter have emotional problems? Could she be pregnant? Can you talk to each other about things like this? You definitely need to, but don’t trip out and tell her she looks fat. Usually if you set a good lifestyle example kids will follow, if not in high school, then later.
DEAR MEDFORD: The panel is correct that emotional issues and/or chemical imbalances are the root of most overeating habits. I also wouldn’t rule out pregnancy or sexual abuse. The latter can compel a girl to overeat to make herself unattractive and “hide” her shame.
An honest, proactive approach is best (you are the parent after all, and obesity is deadly), but weight-control is hugely emotional and demonstrative love and affection MUST accompany your actions. Then, tough as your questions, doctor’s appointments, and boundary-setting might be, your daughter will know she is loved. I want to “pound” this home because many parents reject their children when they are ugly, fat, or unmanageable, and this not only leads to personal guilt, but will undermine your actions and, ultimately, your relationship. The antidote is to be demonstrative in your affection, even when you don’t feel it. Extra-long hugs from you, regardless of your daughter’s progress, are the “food” you both need.
Nutritionally, the healthiest diet regimen, even for overeating, can be found among the traditional whole-food diets discovered in living use by Dr. Weston Price (see www.westonaprice.org and our column JUN 10). If your daughter’s overeating is emotionally driven, I also recommend private counseling and/or Overeaters Anonymous to address the problem at the root.
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Jun 24
DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I need to raise $300 for driver training in August so I can get my learner’s permit. I don’t like little kids so baby-sitting is out of the question. Mowing lawns isn’t for me either. Adults are having a hard time finding jobs right now so how is a 15-year-old girl with no work experience supposed to find one? My school doesn’t have their summer tutoring program anymore, which is the kind of thing I’d like. Do you have other job ideas to get me out of this predicament?
Michelle, Yuba City
Maureen, 17, Redding, CA
Making money right now is hard, but it can be done. Are your parents willing to help you out with extra chores? Do their friends have projects such as housework, cleaning garages, that kind of thing? Lots of elderly people, especially, need help around their houses. There is also dog walking, dog grooming, washing cars, vacation house-sitting (picking up mail, watering plants, feeding animals), or if you’re artsy, you could make things and sell them at the farmer’s market.
Shelby, 17, Auburn, CA
Put out flyers to be a helper for social events like weddings or Fourth of July parties. Help set up, clean up, cook, address envelopes, whatever needs to be done.
Ashley, 21, Auburn, CA
Did you check for private tutoring programs or programs in other schools? You’ve got to believe in yourself and put the word out. Also, do you like animals? Put up signs for dog-sitting, dog walking, even dog bathing.
Hayden, 14, Auburn, CA
I got a job washing dishes at a bakery and I’m only 14.
Brie, 18, Ashland, OR
I have lots of job experience and I can’t seem to get a job. I’m incorporating all the tips the hiring managers shared in the last column (JUN 3), including dressing appropriately and going back numerous times to the places I applied. It’s tough out there.
Akasha, 15, Gold River, CA
With a work permit some independent places will hire you under 16. I just got hired at a private college cafeteria. This summer, I’m also planning a garage sale with stuff collected from families I know. One good garage sale will net about $400. Other ways I’ve made money are washing cars in my neighborhood, cleaning houses, making jewelry — and, yes, baby-sitting. On that note, suck it up! Last year I made over $700 on baby-sitting alone, working just now and then. I’m not crazy about little kids either, but of all the things I’ve done, it pays the best, it’s the easiest, and if you baby-sit at night, you just put the kids to bed!
DEAR MICHELLE: Well, there you have it. Lots of ideas, even a back-up plan. Growing up often means sucking it up. Some businesses do hire under 16, but they are few and far between. At your age, it’s usually more profitable to think like an entrepreneur. There’s lots of money to be made taking the initiative with your own small enterprise. (Even for some of you older kids, entrepreneurship is the way to go in this economy.) Figure out what services you like best and create a promotional flyer. For contact information I recommend just using your first name and phone number. Never include your home address. Jazz the flyer up with testimonials, photos, anything that shows enthusiasm — that’s what people hire. You might even include why you need the money.
Then, take an evening when your neighbors (or potential clients) are home to knock on doors and distribute the flyers. The other thing people hire is your perseverance, so stop back by every week — bringing another flyer. The squeaky wheel gets the grease.
Inspiring books for young entrepreneurs: Rich Dad Poor Dad for Teens, and Rich Dad’s Success Stories, both by Robert Kiyosaki.
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Jun 17
DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: My friend, “Sheryl”, caught her son viewing porn on his computer with some other boys. When she got upset, he told her that everybody watches it and to chill out. She moved his computer to the living room, but he is almost 18 and she’s at a loss. What should she do?
Darlene, Laguna Niguel, CA
Charles, 23, Sacramento, CA
Get over it. I saw porn the first time at a friend’s house around age 10. It was the first year most of us had Internet service. After that, trading floppy discs of porn images became a normal part of boy life. Today, the joke among ALL my guy friends is, “How many gigs of porn do you have?” In college, some kids had 200 hours of porn on their computers! Porn is a good thing, a healthier outlet than unsafe sex, prostitution, or rape.
Jessie, 17, Ashland, OR
I was 12 when I Googled something for school and a vivid pop-up appeared. I was so embarrassed I closed the screen and took a zero on the assignment. My girlfriends don’t watch porn, but I’m not positive about my guy friends. I think high school is too young for porn, but at 18, it’s legal, so your friend should ease up — or ask him not to watch it at home.
Liz, 17, Sacramento, CA
At age 12, I was given my 20-year-old brother’s computer which was loaded with porn. I was somewhat intrigued and took a look, but after that I had minimal exposure. Since puberty, I’ve looked occasionally and have watched porn with my boyfriend once or twice. Most people I know view porn and are comfortable with it, including older couples. It seems relatively harmless unless it becomes addictive or lowers respect for women.
Rachel, 18, Fair Oaks, CA
I’ve never known girls to watch porn together, but guys often do. I walked in on a 13-year-old boy and his friends watching porn. I was babysitting his younger sisters and wasn’t much older than he. When kids mess around on computers they will see porn. My first time, it scared me to death! But in my mid-teens, I explored it and think it can be stimulating. Yet for those not mature enough, it can be dangerous as much of it is aggressive and degrades women.
Graham, 15, Fair Oaks, CA
Your friend is overreacting. Unless her son is obsessed with porn, there’s nothing to worry about. It’s totally common. According to Family Safe Media, 42.7 percent of Internet users watch porn, 72 percent of them male. Professor Steven Landsburg (University of Rochester) reports: “A 10 percent increase in [Inter] Net access yields about a 7.3 percent decrease in reported rapes.” Bottom line: porn doesn’t hurt people and may actually help them.
DEAR DARLENE: The argument that pornography is harmless for a growing mind is ridiculous. Yet I hear it from young people over and over. (See archives on our website FEB/MAR/MAY 2007.)
Parents, it’s your home, you make the rules. Just as you express disapproval and set rules around drugs, you must do the same for porn as soon as your child begins using a computer. Ninety percent of kids age 8 to 16 have viewed porn on the Internet — usually while doing homework. It is habit-forming and many view it regularly. Don’t let media have privacy with your child. Computers and TVs should ALWAYS be in well-trafficked locations and armed with porn-blockers.
Sheryl did right to move the computer. Better late than never. She should also install blockers and clearly state no-porn rules for the household. The good part is her rules will give her almost-adult-age son a reason (something sorely lacking today), to want to move out upon graduating — which is precisely when a parent’s “stupid rules” start making sense.
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